Thanks for the Thoughts!

I am truly amazed at the wonderful, caring comments I've received on this blog. I'm learning so much, and taking so much in to help myself get better. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading!!

I celebrated National Eating Disorders Awareness week by buying a pair of jeans and shirt that fit. It's hard not to be the size I want to be. It's hard eating, and continuously thinking about how I should stop eating. I had a pretty good weekend with the food, all things considered. My husband was away, one of the kids was sick, the dog ate five pounds of imported food from the counter (a gift from a friend)...the usual things a 30-something mom like me deals with. When my husband came home tonight after his trip away, my immediate thought when I got home was to eat. Maybe it's because I can't relax, or don't feel like I can relax when he's around?

I have a packed schedule for the next two weeks, including presentations at schools, meeting with old classmates to plan a reunion, and volunteer events. You know what I hate most about these things? Getting dressed. I hate going ANYWHERE, because I look hideous. Nothing fits right. I hate my body. I feel like a failure because of the way I look. I don't feel confident unless I'm under 115 pounds. And I am FAR from that now. I could be president of every organization, receive awards, etc., and it's just never going to be enough.

I know this sounds oh so pessimistic. Part of my writing on this blog is for me to bring to the forefront my ugly thoughts, so hopefully I can work through them. Sorry to sound so pathetic!